no more sun

so many mistakes to make, so many wrong turns to take.
what are we supposed to think about love now?
"after the first year or so, it's about commitment"
that's fucked up. i want lasting love.
i mean why even get married? i can "commit" myself to anyone.
Cannot recall anything positive anyone has ever said about marriage after five years.
Everybody has a curtain. Everything has a backstage.
Something always goes wrong backstage.
Does passion always fade?
"You really think she's happy?"
"Yes. I really do. She has financial stability...(blah, blah, blah)"
Right there...that's where I will never be dependent.
If that need goes away, you got to have something behind it.
Commitment. Commitment. Commitment.
She repeated this over and over in our short conversation.
If that self-discipline is the only thing that keeps you in place, then why did you ever put yourself there?
Maybe I'll just join the convent to avoid the temptation of forcing myself into a commitment of emotional death with another human being. Why drag another person down with me?

It is going to take a warrior to pull the sun out of this dark heart.