to death

to love an idea
an idea of love
better to be loved and lonely
or to be lonely and love
loved and love don't so often pair
walking on water to find both
drowning along the way
optimism or pessimism
doesn't change fate
it is what it isn't
can't trust yourself
but a strange heart can't
save your own

don't take the world,
take the heart.

the world will disappoint you.
a heart, a whole heart
will only love you.

should be sleepin
or cleaning,
reading
but crying seems a
better fit.
the first drop
fell to the bottom of that
lonesome hole
vulnerabilities only told to the
sharpest thorn
and still go back there to spill.
i can't or maybe i just won't
which is worse
too much pride or the wall of silence
we built
my memory won't fail me
when i want it to the most
i was wrong
i was wrong
i was wrong
still not convinced
stubborn, always said so.
just comfortable
i could save the whole world
and only want to show you.
i smile for you,
thursday nights are you.
afraid to tell any soul
all my scares,
you know them by heart.
never feared
all the wounds
roses grew again, again
again
to be happy
when you knew exhilerating
awfully scary
so i call on this warm-
cold night
to tell the most painful thorn
my troubles,
wouldn't admit gray water to
anybody but you...
comfort me and
wound me in the
same voice.

but i won't call.
i'll open a file and
write another chapter of
memories.
in the morning
i'll feel like a fool...
all over again.