12:41AM no essay

got to write something about Jane Austen.
she wrote words just as i do here.
thoughts overwhelmed her mind,
flowing through her finger tips
to the ink that painted her pages.
now my pages are bare
but with a heart of red.
refusing black ink,
words of love and devotion
come out of my mind.
no words of Bath or charming Mr. Tilney.
well maybe charming Mr. Tilney
but with a different name,
all the same appeal.
sadly i lack the naivety of Catherine.
i have feelings of fear.
i need to leave the future to my
dreams in the darkness and
live the daylight for each beam of
sun that warms my “chubby” cheeks
but my mind takes me to my flaws.
greatness in my mind is not so in anyone else’s.
for what do i have to offer that cannot be found
better in another? well lots of things
but only seen through the eyes of the beholder, right?
love can catch you but so can lust.
loneliness will deceive you.
then it will all bust,
i will rewrite my dreams in darkness all over again
with more layers of scarring, less hope.
for now, for tonight, i will not rest.
i will push you out of my mind
just for that smile to ease back on my face
every 5 minutes.
only tell me your heart’s desire,
not the desire of your mind.
that will only fill in loneliness and lust.
loneliness and lust always say goodbye.
…….the darkness is seeping in my window,
i light a candle and close the blinds; i will
refuse the thoughts of forever.
i will enjoy the moment and only what the sun brings.
i am letting go. come what may? still doubtful