Red Dirt

You put me back on
with trembling hands
but then
you walked away.
i didn't need you
because you taught me not to
but when fear stole you from me
it took half my game.
You left me alone to carry what
You built.
i was good but i was young.
You hammered
consistency consistency consistency
then you quit.
i pushed on
thought i could bring You back
with success.
couldn't reach it without you.
eventually my eyes quit searching for you.
she tried to fill your shoes.
not possible
not because she was my mother
but because who you were and what you meant
was not replacable.

but even eight years down the road
i still had you standing there
everytime the gate opened,
if only in my heart.
on the road i would find
pieces of You in other faces
but they'd always stand by her
she didn't know enough
and you
You only stood for me
You were only there for me
but You walked away

now i spend saturday nights by the sea
far from the red dirt that
dusted my hat, little on the back end
for luck, right?
guess i never scooped up enough.
if you hadn't left, we'd be on the road.
Waco. Cheyenne. Tulsa. Amarillo.
i wouldn't be trapped by these four walls
and all this choking structure.
You walked away
and hear these tears?

i could keep going,
but then
she'll be gone.
i didn't think i could even
attempt without You but
without her...
i wouldn't even want to.
i avoid tests of my emotional strength
because You built half my strength
and she built the rest
but people, even the strongest
People always leave.