to death

to love an idea
an idea of love
better to be loved and lonely
or to be lonely and love
loved and love don't so often pair
walking on water to find both
drowning along the way
optimism or pessimism
doesn't change fate
it is what it isn't
can't trust yourself
but a strange heart can't
save your own

don't take the world,
take the heart.

the world will disappoint you.
a heart, a whole heart
will only love you.

should be sleepin
or cleaning,
reading
but crying seems a
better fit.
the first drop
fell to the bottom of that
lonesome hole
vulnerabilities only told to the
sharpest thorn
and still go back there to spill.
i can't or maybe i just won't
which is worse
too much pride or the wall of silence
we built
my memory won't fail me
when i want it to the most
i was wrong
i was wrong
i was wrong
still not convinced
stubborn, always said so.
just comfortable
i could save the whole world
and only want to show you.
i smile for you,
thursday nights are you.
afraid to tell any soul
all my scares,
you know them by heart.
never feared
all the wounds
roses grew again, again
again
to be happy
when you knew exhilerating
awfully scary
so i call on this warm-
cold night
to tell the most painful thorn
my troubles,
wouldn't admit gray water to
anybody but you...
comfort me and
wound me in the
same voice.

but i won't call.
i'll open a file and
write another chapter of
memories.
in the morning
i'll feel like a fool...
all over again.

hidden but not lost

suffocating in a thick fog

reaching out into the darkness
only to feel a mist
of what could be
the dreams are the hardest
ground my feet have felt in a
long, long time
waking up,
hesitant in deciphering the
nightmare from the dream
comfort becoming nocturnal
but to lose the endorphins of the sun
is to die a slow death
if not for your touch
of fresh air and
hope, lost is all life would be
what a sad thing to lose
i'd fall just to be this high

lost in a dream again,
what a nightmare.

tomorrow will be different

you're crushing my heart as if it were
the fallen leaves on the ground
wandering into a black hole, deeper
where are the dresses and awards?
i need to tell me what i would say
i would know exactly what to tell me
how to believe what you believe
with everything you know?
personal happiness is not enough
glory fades, there's always better & younger
i used to know...but then i was wrong
just once
and everything left with it
there's a piece missing
small piece, key piece
i wish i could find it.
i can tell you how to be okay
i just wish i could tell me...

So glad I gave her my email

aannmason wrote:

Just came from top of barn
Mind full of memories.
The loft always makes me feel alive when it is full of hay
and on a brisk day........
Probably five- in my Grandfather Brubaker's big red barn
chasing baby kittens in the piles of hay and peering down on huge cows
and smelly momma pigs with sucking piglets.
I can close my eyes and see the barn in flames...
Fifteen- the shed on Fuller street full of hay. Learning to smoke.
Best friend Carol, Eddie and Griff.
Rainy day in Big Point, new barn,
all of us sitting in loft waiting for the rain to stop...forty three and pregnant.
Fifty with a barn full of hay and a romantic place to get away.
Now just a grand spot to watch back field, be alone and read a book.
Come home and enjoy.

Her next email: "About now you are thinking Darn, why did I give her an email ...sorry. Just got my new Paolo and Amos cds"

two minds looking for the same "forever"

I got things to do
it might be a while
but just enough time for you
to do all those dreams of yours
I'll meet you in Montana.

We got lost time to make up for
when I get to you,
I'll be nothin' but yours
Pass the time by a camp fire.

Of all the lives I could lead,
all the dreams I could achieve,
I just want to be
next you, yea you and me.

We'll be able to see for miles,
but all I need to see is your smile.
Blue eyes and blonde curls
we'll drift to sleep in our boots and jeans.

I can't wait for that special breakfast
you promised me in Jackson.
We drift apart but you
always come back to warm my heart.

You'll sing your songs,
I'll laugh until I cry.
You're my Robert Redford,
better yet my Monty Roberts.

Our own Hope will be Rising in
Montana
I'll meet you there.

Love- Your Mississippi